| Counselling Towards Closeness and Trust |
This is class notes for advanced level work with terms defined in other articles. Please read "Getting Started with Men" and "An Introduction to Men's Liberation" first to avoid confusion.
Building unity with all other groups is essential for us as men. At a personal level it is the work of building friendships with deepening closeness and trust. To be successful we need to have our personal liberation and our men's liberation well developed. The work of deepening closeness in all our relationships is essential for men to win our liberation and is at the core of community building.
There is a challenge for most people to talk about what's happening in their relationship directly with the person. Below are a number of directions that can be taken in a counselling session to work through tensions about closeness and trust. Also for those who have integrated that counselling approach into their personality it also can be of great help in social relationships but with extra care.
What could stop you from being completely close and trusting with me now?
The counsellor asks the client the direction, encourages a response and allows emotional discharge when available. Starting with relationships that are already good and safe we can learn to ask what our friend needs to be truly close and open with us. The counselling skill of being able to stay thinking and allow a client to work through their painful emotions is a key to a large life as a man. The counsellor needs to assume that he is good enough to be close to. He can learn to treat everything as a way of his dear client being able to show where distress is holding them back.
Some times a client may know themselves well enough to just say clearly what the issue is. Our close peer counsellors can be like this most of the time. Other times some of our long time personal friends or lovers may just start screaming! Attributing every part of their recorded pain as being caused by the dear counsellor now this second! They may have been weighting for years desperately wanting true closeness and now you offer it so lightly and easily! It's essential to learn this level of counselling with already good stable relationships! The best relationships to learn this with are the relationships that involve no socializing and are just about peer counselling. They are usually simple easy relationships that can inspire both to go after that level of ease with the important but often difficult social relationships.
You and me counsellor(name) completely close for ever and ever and ever and ever.
The client says the direction to the counsellor. The counsellor encourages and assists as needed, including repeating the direction.
As a way of starting a good technique can be to offer the phrase in a happy wistful tone. Most people will at least laugh at this if not show some other emotion. You can then ask them for what that means. Then repeat the process. As the emotions unfold to be worked through the client is more able to be close and trusting. Interestingly in groups watching a counselling session on closeness the members of the audience get to understand the client and their issues about closeness and trust and so are able to be closer and more trusting with them.
Why do you love me counsellor(name)?
The client asks the counsellor. The counsellor encourages what ever response the client makes as they ask the question then answers with something about the person that they notice.
This approach puts the client into the place of already assuming that the counsellor loves them. As the work proceeds often with laughing about the whole idea of it, much deeper feelings can surface and be available to work through. This question is asked. Emotional discharged welcomed. The counsellor then answers the question. The counsellor does need to see the quality at that time. A question to the client like what are you thinking is sometimes needed but usually a client can just go on asking the question and the counsellor answering it repeatedly. It is an approach that is straight forward and can go straight to a core of a clients tensions about closeness and trust.
Sometimes somebody likes someone
The client says the direction to the counsellor. The counsellor encourages the client with what ever response they make then encourages the repeating of the direction. This understatement about somebody else is a very powerful approach that allows the client to discharge in an area that they are unable to consider for themselves. The internal editing function of the client's tension is by passed leaving the client to work through their tension.
In social relationships.
To work towards closeness and trust the relationship needs to be safe for both! It is the extent that both parties can make the relationship safe enough that the past recordings of unsafety can be worked through. With couples or close friends this can be a very useful way to get a better relationship but great care is needed to not harm the ability of the other to listen openly. Complete responsibility must be taken both as client and counsellor to work in a way that is within the ability of both to care and stay caring. Where a partner loses perspective and stops being responsible the other partner can keep modeling a responsible attitude. At some point continued failure to assume a responsible set of behaviours pushes up the question of continuing the relationship or ending it.